Rebuttles.....

So I had a couple of responses from some good friends sent to me by email. I wanted to share them with you all. The first one is from a Pastor that I have a lot of respect for. He really helped me to break down each part of my post and better understand what I was saying only in a more biblical sense since he knows the Bible so well. He does so with great understanding and with humor and I appreciate him doing so. Thank you "Steve" for your insight it was reaffirming and, as I would expect nothing less from you, very well thought out.

The second response if from a very good friend of mine that has known me for almost 30 years. How scary is that? Thank you Joni for taking the time to share with me your beliefs.

It is amazing to get different opinions from two people with totally different lifestyles. Read on and you will see that there are a lot of similarities to their answers.

"Steve" Wrote:

Hello Janet:
I simply copied your post and wrote my comments in red. Hopefully they will be helpful to your soul.

In my world God is a god of forgiveness, a god of understanding. He is in no way a spiteful God. In my world man's rules do not interfere with my understanding of God. I'm not going out and breaking any rules but the religions of today make rules from man's point of view not God's and it confuses me.

My dad called me today. Realize that he is concerned with all that is going on in my life and is trying his best to find a way to help. What he said though just added more confusion to my already out of control world. He told me that God is unable to help me or enter my life [God is never, never, never unable to help] because I have Rosary beads hanging on my Bible [and would never choose not to help just because of your rosary beads. The Bible is a great Book. THE Book in fact: the revealed Word of God; the guide for our faith, Psalm 19.7-10 says:

⁷ The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

⁹ The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

¹⁰ They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

And yet, I am reminded of what Jesus said in John 5.39-40 about the Scriptures: He said, ³⁹"You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life. These are the Scriptures that testify about me, ⁴⁰yet you refuse to come to me to have life".

The Bible is cool, it's our inerrant guide and help in times of trouble - but it is NOT the OBJECT of our faith, but rather Jesus is. God don't care if you put rosary beads on your Bible.

I was raised Catholic, I raised my children as Catholics, I taught religious education at our church for several years. Eventually I turned away from the Catholic church. For me it was just too depressing of a religion. I want to believe that God wants us to feel His love and not guilt when we turn to Him in prayer and in our daily lives. The Catholic religion didn't offer this to me so I left it.

If you have seen my Facebook page the personal quote I have listed on it is what I believe. It says, "Faith is the strongest religion". Too many religions are based on man's rules not on God's. They have taken the word of God and turned it around to fit their religions or the rules they want their followers to live by. The only word I feel we should be living by is that of the word of God. So I follow my faith, not a religion. I feel it is only through our own faith that we can find the love of God.

I had a pastor once who asked me this question: He said, "Steve", I'm not saying that's my real name, but perhaps it is ;-) , he said, "Steve, how many religions do you think there are in the world?" I thought about it and ventured a guess I'm sure. Maybe I guessed 3000, possibily 5000. I don't remember cuz there were a lot of religions at the time. And I had no idea how many religions there were in the world. But the answer he gave me was so impactful - and true - that I have never forgotten it and have used it in many a sermon and as a foundation for life.

He said, "Steve" (I don't know why he keeps calling me that), "there are only 2 religions in the world: Faith and Works. Every religion is based on either one or the other." He said, "You either have to DO something to make yourself right with God and reach God, or, you have faith that God can reach you." I got to thinking about all the religions that came to mind and sure enough, he was right. And furthermore, Christianity was the only religion that was based on faith rather than works! That just lifted a load of "religious" people off of my back immediately (don't ever call me religious again, 'k?). The Bible says, "There is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus" (1 Timothy 2.5). That's how God reached us, through Jesus. Our faith makes the connection complete - not our works. Janet, I luuuuuuuv where you stand on this.

"Faith and Works...Faith and Works...Faith and Works."

So back to my question [yes of course, back to your question], "Is God a spiteful God?" [hm] and I ask this because according to my dad, who is strongly influenced by the Jehovah Witnesses, has told me that my rosary beads are a Pagan symbol and the word of God cannot enter my home as long as I have them hanging on my family Bible [blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah]. Okay so I have two questions about this actually. First of all if you look up the word Pagan it is simply a different form of beliefs. Pagans worship the earth and the moon cycles they are actually a very peaceful religion. Pagans do not believe in God so how would Rosary beads with the Son of God on the crucifix be a Pagan symbol??? I believe the word my father is looking for is Demonic or Satanic. He believes that the Catholic religion, in fact all Christian religions, have been taken over by the Devil, therefore the Rosary beads are in some way now a symbol of the Devil. How in any way, shape or form would this be Pagan? A belief in the worship of Earth, Nature and Moon is not the worship of the Devil [a more gentler blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah]

Although we should "be self controlled because your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour" (1 Peter 5.8; the devil influences people who in turn influence religions, and yes dad's right, it happens in Christianity), both arguments for and against paganism fall apart under the weight of the Faith-Works position noted above. Additionally, as peaceful as "pagans" may be, the worship (and service perhaps) of the sun and moon is the worship of "created things rather than the Creator" (Roman 1.25). This does raise God's ire.

So onto the real reason for this blog [uh-huh]. My father also stated that as long as my Rosary beads remain on my Bible that God will not help me in my struggles with my daughter. So there in lies the question, is our God a spiteful God? [yes, the question] Can I honestly believe that God will not help me because I have what I believe to be a symbol of my Christianity hanging on a Bible? ["Asked and answered, your honor] Okay so for the sake of my dad, lets say he is right [he's not]. My Rosary beads have some how in some way become a Satanic symbol and I have them hanging there because I had no understanding of their new symbolism Is God going to deny me His help, His love and His directions because I unknowingly have this symbol in my home? That is like saying you are going to punish your child for doing something that he or she didn't know was wrong in the first place. Is this who we are to believe our God is. An angry or spiteful God that will punish us for unknowingly doing something wrong? I am sorry but that is NOT my God. My God would understand that in no way, shape or form am I purposefully doing something against Him and He would be forgiving enough to still offer me and my family His strength, His love and His guidance through these difficult times. [Agree wholeheartedly Janet. God has a way of showing us our waywardness - if we are seeking Him - and then guiding us to the right path. This may involve love in the form of "discipline"; but not spite in the form of "punishment", which he does reserve for unbelievers. BUT, playing devil's advocate here (hm...will God punish me for playing devil's advocate? Pray for me.); A more appropriate question would be, "Now that you are aware that it is a Satanic symbol (I'm not saying that it is) what do you do with THAT information? And how do you conduct yourself henceforth?

Maybe I am wrong but I have always believed that God takes us each at face value [He meets us where we are, yes]. He understands our fears, our doubts, the personal struggles we have encountered on our own seperate paths to discovering our Christianity and it is based on what He knows of each of us individually that will lead us to be judged by Him and Him alone and not on what one religion or another religion based on man's laws says [Preach it sister! Should I pass the plate?].

I love my father, I love and respect him more then most people on this earth. He has always been there for me. I can turn to him when things are at their hardest and he always tells me he is there for me, he supports me and he never has strings attached to that love and support. So because of this I will do what he asks. I will remove the Rosary beads from the Bible. Not because I think it is somehow keeping God out of my home but because it is important to my dad [Perhaps you can help him understand it just like that. It's not a bad thing to "honor our father and mother" (Exodus 20)]. It will give him the peace of mind that he needs right now. I only wish that he could once again find the God of love that I know and trust. A truly forgiving God that will be there for you when you need Him regardless of what you may or may not have done in your past, or even what you may unknowingly be doing right now. I pray that somehow my father will once again find a God that should be praised for His love and his glory, not feared because someone here on earth has taken the word of God and twisted it around for their own purpose. Man is an imperfect being and in being so he interprets things only with his understanding not with the understanding of the All Knowing God.

So because of this I say, "Faith alone is the strongest religion." No one on this earth can tell you if your faith is right or wrong. It is something personal between you and God. God will understand your strengths and weaknesses on the day that you stand before Him to be judged. And at least for me and hopefully someday again my father, the God of my Faith is one of Love.

[Wow! That's great. Love is the motivation that moved Him to send Jesus (John 3.16) and love should be the motivation that draws us to Him, in faith, through Christ - not fear.

What does the Bible say,"
¹⁸There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4.18).

Feel free to use any for your blog.

This is the response I got from Joni:

Ok my dear, You know how I feel about religion, And over the years I have sought a relationship with God. I have had the same questions you are having. I have asked, “Are the people around me and those I love being punished for things that I have done that goes against God’s will?” The answer I have received from preachers are that God is not vindictive and he does not work that way. But on the other hand if you read parts of the bible or you listen to others you will see that God does punish those that go against his will. I have yet to find a man of God that I can sit down with and pose these questions. Most preachers/pastors will give you their interpretation of what is written. So I had to look at the things I did know. I know that I believe there is a higher power. I think I know it is God. I have faith that it is God. I also know that God died for my sins and that I am human and I will sin. There is no one on earth who is beyond that. I don’t go out of my way but I am human. But I also ask God to forgive me and to guide me to make better decisions. And when I am mindful of what I am doing I do make better choices. Religion is about faith. I have faith that God will not harm my loved ones because I am an idiot sometimes. Do I still question it? Of course I do. But it keeps me on my toes and helps make me a better person.

With that said,,,,,,,Janet, You are a kind and loving person. You have raised 2 terrific kids. But no matter what you do you have to realize that your children are responsible for their own lives now. They have to live by their decisions. Your job is done and done well. You are giving to the people around you. Look at the neighbor you have helped. Look at how you helped me when I had Bryan and even before that. You do so much good in the world that God will forgive you if you simply ask and have faith in him. If you read the book of Job you will see that God tested Job’s faith by taking away everything he had to see if Job would turn away from him. Job did not. He kept his faith and he was rewarded. God doesn’t make a habit of going around destroying people’s lives to test them. I do think sometimes he gives us obstacles so that we will turn to him. And it usually works.

As far as your dad is concerned. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. Allow him to believe his direction and be greatful that he believes in a higher power. A simple rosary does not keep God away. God will see that you are believing in him. I have heard lots of different religions and I think they all basically do believe a few simple things. There is a higher power, ask for forgiveness and believe. So sister, give yourself a break. Let go of your troubles and give them to God. After all things end with him anyway. I’m not saying not to help Sandy or anyone else. At the end of the day just remember to turn it over to God.

That is probably the most I have ever said about religion but I wanted to share my view because I do fear what I don’t completely understand. But I do get peace from faith….when I remember to use it!

Thank you both VERY MUCH!!!!

God Bless You,

Janet

Is our God really a spiteful God???

In my world God is a god of forgiveness, a god of understanding. He is in no way a spiteful god. In my world man's rules do not interfere with my understanding of God. I'm not going out and breaking any rules but the religions of today make rules from man's point of view not God's and it confuses me.

My dad called me today. Realize that he is concerned with all that is going on in my life and is trying his best to find a way to help. What he said though just added more confusion to my already out of control world. He told me that God is unable to help me or enter my life because I have Rosary beads hanging on my Bible. I was raised Catholic, I raised my children as Catholics, I taught religious education at our church for several years. Eventually I turned away from the Catholic church. For me it was just too depressing of a religion. I want to believe that God wants us to feel His love and not guilt when we turn to Him in prayer and in our daily lives. The Catholic religion didn't offer this to me so I left it.

If you have seen my Facebook page the personal quote I have listed on it is what I believe. It says, "Faith is the strongest religion". Too many religions are based on man's rules not on God's. They have taken the word of God and turned it around to fit their religions or the rules they want their followers to live by. The only word I feel we should be living by is that of the word of God. So I follow my faith, not a religion. I feel it is only through our own faith that we can find the love of God.

So back to my question, "Is God a spiteful God?" and I ask this because according to my dad, who is strongly influenced by the Jehovah Witnesses, has told me that my rosary beads are a Pagan symbol and the word of God cannot enter my home as long as I have them hanging on my family Bible. Okay so I have two questions about this actually. First of all if you look up the word Pagan it is simply a different form of beliefs. Pagans worship the earth and the moon cycles they are actually a very peaceful religion. Pagans do not believe in God so how would Rosary beads with the Son of God on the crucifix be a Pagan symbol??? I believe the word my father is looking for is Demonic or Satanic. He believes that the Catholic religion, in fact all Christian religions, have been taken over by the Devil, therefore the Rosary beads are in some way now a symbol of the Devil. How in any way, shape or form would this be Pagan? A belief in the worship of Earth, Nature and Moon is not the worship of the Devil.

So onto the real reason for this blog. My father also stated that as long as my Rosary beads remain on my Bible that God will not help me in my struggles with my daughter. So there in lies the question, is our God a spiteful God? Can I honestly believe that God will not help me because I have what I believe to be a symbol of my Christianity hanging on a Bible? Okay so for the sake of my dad, lets say he is right. My Rosary beads have some how in some way become a Satanic symbol and I have them hanging there because I had no understanding of their new symbolism. Is God going to deny me His help, His love and His directions because I unknowingly have this symbol in my home? That is like saying you are going to punish your child for doing something that he or she didn't know was wrong in the first place. Is this who we are to believe our God is. An angry or spiteful God that will punish us for unknowingly doing something wrong? I am sorry but that is NOT my God. My God would understand that in no way, shape or form am I purposefully doing something against Him and He would be forgiving enough to still offer me and my family His strength, His love and His guidance through these difficult times.

Maybe I am wrong but I have always believed that God takes us each at face value. He understands our fears, our doubts, the personal struggles we have encountered on our own seperate paths to discovering our Christianity and it is based on what He knows of each of us individually that will lead us to be judged by Him and Him alone and not on what one religion or another religion based on man's laws says.

I love my father, I love and respect him more then most people on this earth. He has always been there for me. I can turn to him when things are at their hardest and he always tells me he is there for me, he supports me and he never has strings attached to that love and support. So because of this I will do what he asks. I will remove the Rosary beads from the Bible. Not because I think it is somehow keeping God out of my home but because it is important to my dad. It will give him the peace of mind that he needs right now. I only wish that he could once again find the God of love that I know and trust. A truly forgiving God that will be there for you when you need Him regardless of what you may or may not have done in your past, or even what you may unknowingly be doing right now. I pray that somehow my father will once again find a God that should be praised for His love and his glory, not feared because someone here on earth has taken the word of God and twisted it around for their own purpose. Man is an imperfect being and in being so he interprets things only with his understanding not with the understanding of the All Knowing God.

So because of this I say, "Faith alone is the strongest religion." No one on this earth can tell you if your faith is right or wrong. It is something personal between you and God. God will understand your strengths and weaknesses on the day that you stand before Him to be judged. And at least for me and hopefully someday again my father, the God of my Faith is one of Love.

Keep her strong in Your love.

I feel so lost right now. Like I am in the middle of a dark forest with no direction out and the more I look for an escape the more confused I become. If you read yesterday's post you know what is going on.

I ended up at crisis again today with my daughter. Her will to live is becoming less and less. They allowed her to come home but we need to keep an eye on her and next week she begins what is called "Intense Outpatient Therapy". But what about therapy for us? Who takes care of the people who are taking care of the one who needs help? Who tells us how to do this? Or how to live with the guilt if it all fails in the end? How closely do you "keep and eye on her" or will that simply push her too far? Life has never seemed less clear then this week. How do you give someone back the will to live?

She's in her room right now and I just don't know what to do. Do I trust her in there? Do I check on her? What if I go down to her room and my worst fears are realized. What if I check too much and that makes things worse? Why the hell didn't someone write a book on parenting????

I am counting the hours until Bill gets home from work. I need him here, I need his strength even though his is fading as quickly as mine. I just need to know I am not alone in this and that he is here beside me for a few days. And then what? When those few days are over, then what? This doesn't end just because the weekend is over. This isn't just something that disappears overnight. How long do we analyze every word or statement that she makes.

If she says she wants to go to the snow, is that because she wants to see it one last time? If she says she wants to see her nieces is it to say goodbye? She just texted me from her room and said she was taking a nap and the first thing I thought was, will she wake up? How does a parent do this?

I keep getting the same message over and over from people...Pray for her. And I do, God knows how many countless times a day I do. But what if it isn't enough? If we lose her now just as I am finding my faith again what will that do to me, to my family? What if this isn't a test I am ready for?

I guess for now all I can do is pray. All I can do is ask those who know me to pray as well. All I can do is plead to God, "Please Lord, keep her strong in Your love."

Stormy weather ahead

I feel like I am walking toward the end of this dock and although I can see at the end there is nothing but the vastness of an unyielding ocean and the threat of an oncoming storm I can't seem to stop myself.

Each step I take pulls me closer and closer to the edge but I can't turn back. I am angry. Angry at the world. Angry at God. I know I shouldn't be but I am and I don't know how not to be.

There is an unfairness in my life right now, one that I can't overcome. One that can't be fixed and yet I need so desperately to fix it. And it is my inability to fix it that makes me so angry. I am a mom dammit I am suppose to make things better. It's what moms do. It's what I have done for over 20 years. But there is no fixing this and it is tearing me up inside. My daughter is slipping away. She is being pulled into a dark abyss that is threatening to take her from all of us. For the last 20 years I have protected her with all the strength that a mother can give to a child. And there's been a lot to protect her from.

My pregnancy with her had some major complications, the doctors said she may have a lot of problems and we should think about terminating the pregnancy but I said NO!!! She was my child and no matter what was wrong I would have her and take care of her. When she was born I knew right away that things weren't exactly as they should be. She didn't know how to cry but that didn't stop me. I would set an alarm to wake up every two hours to feed her because she couldn't tell us she was awake. It was okay, I would take care of her and once again it would be alright. At eight weeks of age she stopped eating. We found out that her esophagus was not formed properly they said with the medications she would be okay but the medication was given wrong and we almost lost her then. But we made it through that as well. When she was two we discovered that she had a learning disability. She could not talk and needed special help to learn to communicate. So together she and I went to special classes and slowly, little by little she learned. By the time kindergarten started she was right where she needed to be. I had once again protected her. I was her mom, it was my job and I loved doing it.

By second grade school became very difficult for her. She refused to go most days and when she did she had to be literally pried out of my arms kicking and screaming to go to class. It was so hard to take but I knew that by making her attend school that I was again protecting her. By fifth grade she was struggling and her ability to learn was slowing quickly. I found out that she had Central Auditory Processing Disorder and twice a week she attended special classes in Sacramento so that she could learn to over come this. It was hard to get her there but my husband and I did it. It was our way of yet again protecting her.

Junior high came and along with it came a new set of problems. This time I felt like there wasn't a lot I could do for her. She was having trouble making and keeping friends. I didn't know why all I could do for her was listen to her troubles and try to protect her. By high school the struggles with school and peers had become too great. Something was wrong but no one could tell us what. When it finally became more then she could take I opted to home school her for her last year. It was the only way I could protect her.

After high school I thought life would get better. She could go to college or get a job. She had gone through so much growing up that now was her time. A time she could shine. A time that she would show the world that she was a survivor and that I had protected her from all the bad that childhood had thrown at her. What I didn't know is that she was keeping a dark secret from me and this time I couldn't protect her. Finally when that secret became too much for her to deal with on her own she told me. Her boyfriend of more then five years had sexually assaulted her and she couldn't deal with it alone anymore. So I held her and I talked to her. I offered to get her counseling when she was ready. I did what I could to protect her from the pain.

She met a new boy that year. He seemed like such a nice guy. He understood that she had been hurt before and took it slowly with her. They fell in love and got engaged but something about him just wasn't right. I tried to tell her but being a teenager she did what she wanted. They married and everything went wrong. There were fights and tears, break ups and make ups. As things got harder and harder for her we looked for the answer as to why this was happening. We knew that her husband hadn't been honest with her about his past but there was more going on then that. When things got too bad we let her come home. It was our way of protecting her. When we looked deeper into it we discovered that she had Asperger's syndrome. It explained a lot. The difficulties making friends, the problems she was having in her marriage. There was so much that it explained if only we had found out sooner in her life maybe we could have protected her from that as well.

Finally after too much hurt she divorced her husband. There was just too much to deal with between the two of them. Her Asperger's and his growing psychological problems were just too much for any married couple especially ones as young as they were. It hurt her, she didn't want it to end that way. But she did what she could and came home where once again she could be protected.

Things went okay for a while. She was lonely and readjusting to living with her parents after being out on her own was tough but she found a great job and with a few trials and errors she made this job a success. Then back into her life came the old boyfriend. He was both good and bad for her. He knew her, he loved her, he listened to her and made her laugh and smile like I hadn't seen her do in years. She was happy again and in love. She knew it wouldn't be easy but he was the one person who would lover her even with her Asperger's.

He joined the Army and was deployed to Iraq. He wasn't there long when he was shipped home with emotional problems. They tried to work it out but there were just too many issues between the two of them. They loved each other but like all the times they had tried to make it work before they just couldn't do it. Sadly they broke it off again and like always in the past we were there to protect her.

It was about this time that she began cutting herself. It was a stress reliever for her. Life had just thrown way too much at her in her 20 years. When we found out we tried to get her help. She had tried counseling before but would try it again. It is not easy for her to go to counseling with her auditory problems and Asperger Syndrome. She couldn't follow a lot of what the counselor said to her. And this was the one place she didn't want me to come and help her through. She had to do this one on her own and I was proud of her for trying. Try as she might, it just didn't work out. She gave it up after a few sessions and tried to make it on her own.

But things got tough again. She had trouble dating, she still hadn't been able to make or keep friends, she was lonely and just wanted to fit in. To cover up the loneliness she began going out a lot at night to just wander around stores. What we didn't realize is that she had replaced friends and dating with shopping. It had become an addiction and little by little her savings dwindled away. She began cutting again to deal with the stress of the shopping addiction and to deal with her loneliness. She tried to get closer to her brother and sister-in-law but that just didn't work out either. She just wanted a place to belong, a place to fit in and she couldn't find it. Too many of the people she had come in contact with had hurt her. They wouldn't let her in, they didn't want to be bothered with her or her problems. They just couldn't see how badly they were hurting her with their indifference. Then for the final straw she had a fight with her brother. Angry words were said, names were called and she finally couldn't take anymore.

She wrote a note about how badly she was hurting. She apologized to a few people for making their lives so difficult and told them she wouldn't be in the way anymore. She said goodbye to the two people who always made her smile, her nieces. Told them in the letter she loved them more then anything and got in her car and drove away. We never even knew she was gone.

The next morning as I was getting ready for a special day with her that had been planned months ago she came up from her room. In her hand were a pair of scissors, "Kathy said to give you these." was all she said. I was confused until she rolled up her sleeve. Her arm looked terrible. "I almost ended it last night. I was going to but God stopped me. As I was sitting in my car crying I heard Kathy's voice saying, "You can always come over to us if you need to." so I went to the Allio's and they saved me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I didn't even know anything was wrong. How could I have been so blind. This was my little girl. The one I had protected for so many years. I had been her voice when she couldn't find the words to speak for herself. I still attend so many appointments with her because she needs me to speak for her when she gets to overwhelmed or confused. I have made it my life to help her and protect her yet this caught me totally off guard.

We talked and she showed me the letter she had written. It tore me up inside to read it. So much pain and so little I can do to stop it. She explained how much the Allio's had helped her. "Dear Lord thank you so much for that family." She explained why she didn't feel comfortable talking to us. She felt like we cared more about her brother and his family then her. I can look back now and see why she felt that way. We spend a lot of time with them because of our grandchildren but in no way do we love them more then her. She is our child the one we fought to bring into this world. The one we fought to keep safe in this world and protect from this world. And now she is our daughter, the one we will fight to keep in this world. Nothing and no one will get in the way of that goal. So fair warning to all...if you can't love my daughter, respect my daughter and treat my daughter the way she deserves to be treated then you have no place in my life right now. SHE IS MY DAUGHTER, the one I have fought for over the past 20 years and she is the one I will continue to fight for as long as I possibly can.

But how do I fight for her. I can't find her friends, I can't help her with all that is going on in her relationships in life. I can't make this one better and it is tearing me up inside. How do I help her? How do I save her? I feel her slipping further and further away from me into that dark abyss and I find myself getting closer and closer to the edge of the storm that is brewing in the distance. Its a storm that I don't know how to escape. I can't lose this fight. Yet how do I fight against something that I can't fix?

How do I let her know how incredibly lost her dad and I would be without her in our lives. She is not now nor has she ever been a burden to us. She is simply our daughter. Is she perfect, no. Do we love her more then anything, yes. Can we save her? I don't know. Dear God I hope so. So I guess even though I am angry. Angry at the situation, angry that I can't help her or take the pain away and yes even angry at God because I can't understand how He could make one person have to go through so much in 20 short years. I will do the only thing I know how to do. I will protect her as best as I can and pray that God will hold her in His arms and he will keep her safe.